By the way, I clearly suck at the whole "commitment to daily writing" thing. It just hasn't been doable. First, because I caught some godawful cold or virus that has me still coughing up a lung 3 weeks later, and secondly, just been busy. But if we can just let that go for now, I'll explain the title and one of the other things I've been up to since New Years.
The company I work for has a lot of meetings and conferences, and so I was at a three day conference earlier this week in Phoenix. At the conference, we had a vendor trade show where each of the 60 vendors paid to have a table or booth set up, and all of us employees (500 or so) were to mingle through the vendor booths, chat with the vendors, learn about their offerings, etc. Some offered samples, catalogs, some had quizes and you could earn prizes by answering the questions correctly, etc.
One booth had a product I won't name, but I could have sold a lot of their product had I known about it, for a particular application. In fact, I could still sell quite a bit of it to a local municipality. But here's the thing- I don't want to. Mostly because the reps at the booth were dismissive and kind of rude. Yes, I can move your product and possibly make quite a bit of money for you, but why would I want to make someone I don't like more successful? Especially when there are plenty of vendors here that bend over backwards to show respect, accomodate our needs as a company on price, and product specification?
When I got back from the conference, that's when it hit me, like I had held a mirror up to myself and smacked myself in the face with it. I am that person.
A little background info if you don't know me. I am socially very shy, but I am also a very plain spoken person. Pull no punches, spare no feelings. Which is unfortunate, because I don't like everybody, and have never bothered to disguise that little tidbit. I've always felt that made me very honest and direct. What it made me, in fact, is mean. There are grown men who fear me. I've always found that funny, since I'm about 5'1". But it's not funny. It makes me unlikeable, and therefore, less effective in my job which is sales. It's just something that I've adapted over time, 30 years of working with almost exclusively men. Trying to stay tough so nothing gets to me. The problem is I overdid it. Most men cry easier than I do.
So now, I feel like I've opened a big dirty window and seen the light. Like Ebeneezer Scrooge after the three ghosts visited him in the night. Being tougher was something that was useful to me at one time. Like when I was younger and prettier and men used to hit on me all the time. One of the good things about aging is that you earn a little more respect and are viewed less as a cute little thing with no brains. I can take the tough exterior off now like a life jacket and leave it on a chair because I know how to swim now. I might have to throw it on now and again for a rip tide, but for your normal daily swim, I'm going to be ok without it.
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