I learned from a "don't" example-

By the way, I clearly suck at the whole "commitment to daily writing" thing.  It just hasn't been doable.  First, because I caught some godawful cold or virus that has me still coughing up a lung 3 weeks later, and secondly, just been busy.  But if we can just let that go for now, I'll explain the title and one of the other things I've been up to since New Years. 

The company I work for has a lot of meetings and conferences, and so I was at a three day conference earlier this week in Phoenix.  At the conference, we had a vendor trade show where each of the 60 vendors paid to have a table or booth set up, and all of us employees (500 or so) were to mingle through the vendor booths, chat with the vendors, learn about their offerings, etc.  Some offered samples, catalogs, some had quizes and you could earn prizes by answering the questions correctly, etc. 

One booth had a product I won't name, but I could have sold a lot of their product had I known about it, for a particular application.  In fact, I could still sell quite a bit of it to a local municipality.  But here's the thing- I don't want to.  Mostly because the reps at the booth were dismissive and kind of rude.  Yes, I can move your product and possibly make quite a bit of money for you, but why would I want to make someone I  don't like more successful?  Especially when there are plenty of vendors here that bend over backwards to show respect, accomodate our needs as a company on price, and product specification?

When I got back from the conference, that's when it hit me, like I had held a mirror up to myself and smacked myself in the face with it.  I am that person. 

A little background info if you don't know me.  I am socially very shy, but I am also a very plain spoken person.  Pull no punches, spare no feelings.  Which is unfortunate, because I don't like everybody, and have never bothered to disguise that little tidbit.  I've always felt that made me very honest and direct.  What it made me, in fact, is mean.  There are grown men who fear me.  I've always found that funny, since I'm about 5'1".  But it's not funny.  It makes me unlikeable, and therefore, less effective in my job which is sales.  It's just something that I've adapted over time, 30 years of working with almost exclusively men.  Trying to stay tough so nothing gets to me.   The problem is I overdid it.  Most men cry easier than I do.

So now, I feel like I've opened a big dirty window and seen the light.  Like Ebeneezer Scrooge after the three ghosts visited him in the night.  Being tougher was something that was useful to me at one time.  Like when I was younger and prettier and men used to hit on me all the time.  One of the good things about aging is that you earn a little more respect and are viewed less as a cute little thing with no brains.  I can take the tough exterior off now like a life jacket and leave it on a chair because I know how to swim now.    I might have to throw it on now and again for a rip tide, but for your normal daily swim, I'm going to be ok without it. 

It's a New Year, and I'm recommitting

I've decided that I need to make writing a daily priority.  After all, the brain needs exercise as much as the body, right?  Nevermind the fact that it is the second, so on the very first day of the year, I've already blown a goal.  Add to this the fact that you, the poor reader will probably be subjected to some very mediocre writing, since I'm going to have to come up with something every single day (or thereabouts- just the committment factor alone of daily is making me twitch).

So about this time every year I start trying to organize everything-I purge my closets, start going through the freezer and the pantry, restart my weightloss and fitness program, you name it.  Maybe it's too much at once, but up until last year I was maintaining my diet and exercise goals, even though I wasn't actually losing much weight.  The best part about that is I didn't gain much weight.  And this past Christmas, I actually chose not to make desserts.  I made a batch of cookie dough, most of which I sent home frozen with my son.  But I didn't make one pie, cake or pastry.  Not even as dessert with Christmas dinner.  I bought some gelato, but no one ate it.  And that's why I didn't make dessert.  Because no one else will eat it!  I like it, but if I make it, then I feel obligated to eat it.  So this year, I skipped it.  No one complained, or even noticed, I don't think. 

Hopefully, I can start this new year loosely scheduling my day (work, cook, exercise, clean up/prep for next day, write, sleep, repeat) and it won't be too horrifying.  If I don't get sucked into the vortex of TV watching, I'm hoping to accomplish all these daily tasks, while getting more sleep per night than I did last year. 

Wish me luck.  I'll let you know in a few days if it's going to work. 

I Remember...

This will probably be a short entry.  I'm supposed to be working out, but today is a special day, being Sept. 11th.  I don't think I'm in any danger of ever forgetting that day.

In fact, I was working out that morning at the time (miraculously I'm still overweight and not getting any thinner.  Hmmm.) when Joe came running into the bedroom and said, "Hey, turn on the TV! Some plane just plowed into the World Trade Center." 

"What an idiot!" I said, assuming it was a private plane, "Hold on, I have to do abs." 

So I finished and went into the living room to do situps and was watching the coverage, thinking a private jet pilot might have made a miscalculation or had a heart attack or something.  Then I looked closer and realized it was a commercial airline.   Then, as we watched, a second plane slammed into the second tower and we knew it was no mistake.

I went on to work (in the same building where I work now), we hooked up a TV in the main lobby and all stood around watching the news trying to figure out what was really happening, marveling at how ironic it was that the date was 911.  One of the office girls who's super (and falsely) religious husband wouldn't let them watch TV wandered in and said, "Hey, what's everybody watching?"

What, indeed.  We still didn't know for sure.  

Most of those people I worked with are gone now, some dead, and some just moved on to other jobs.  We pulled the flatbed tractor trailer into the front part of the building, stood on it that night and held a candlelight vigil for the victims.  It seemed like the whole area was filled with candles and mourners.

Days like this one remind me that no matter what I have to do for work or to survive, I must not forget what keeps my soul alive- family, friends, and creating. 

An update, a year overdue

So, since I haven't been here in a really long time, I'll stop promising that I'm going to get better at updating this, since I never follow through.  But I will brief you on what's been going on. 

I went back to work at the nightmare company that laid me off for 6 months, and in a very short time, I found myself being appointed manager of the branch of the company that I had started with 16 years ago.  Shortly after that, they announced that they would be liquidating the company, something most of us had seen coming for years, but things were so bad for so long, that we were finally pretty surprised when it actually came to pass. 

As soon as it was announced that this company was closing, a feeding frenzy began with other companies trying to hire all of us that were still with this company, presumably because they wanted the customer base that would follow us and maybe wanted some of the seasoned people that had lots of industry insight. 

So, after all the smoke settled, I'm managing the SAME branch, but it's owned by another company, and I am working with the 2 best of the employees I was working with before.  Which is great.  I'm working 50+ hours a week, but what the hay.  They pay me, supply my vehicle and the gas, and pay my entire family's health insurance.   So I won't complain.  We'll see what happens down the road.  I might get laid off again, I might not.  But it's working for now.

Some recent paintings (hope this works) :/

Will it EVER stop raining?

It's really looking like it might not. 

Someone pointed out to me the other day, that I don't update this thing very often.  So true.  To be perfectly honest, my first love is art.  Hence the title of the blog.  So if I don't feel like committing to writing about a particular topic, I tend to stay away altogether and I just post my latest paintings on facebook.  I am going to open an Etsy store, don't know if that will get me anywhere or not, but it's worth a shot.  I've been doing some smaller, simpler pieces I can sell at a lower price point, so maybe I'll try marketing those for awhile.  My job search for a better job is not fleshing out as well as I would like.  I will keep trying, though.  I want a good job this time. 

I was on a site recently where a bunch of us were listing the types of jobs we have had, and I realized that most of my jobs have been really crappy.  And in most of them, I worked for terrible people.  I would like to have a good job before I die.  It would be nice to know the feeling of actually liking my work.   Not that I've hated every single job, but I've been able to talk myself up into being able to find all of them tolerable.  Telling myself that everyone has jobs they don't like something about, and they are necessary and I will get through it.  So what I want is a job that I like, believe in, and that treats me well.  One time.  One time, because I'll be 52 next week and I'm hoping if I find the right job, that it will be the one I retire from.  Although being unemployed right now, I kind of am retired, except I spend a lot of time looking for jobs online because I feel I should work at this age.  At least until my youngest is out of college and on his own. 

So mostly I'm looking for work, trying to get my housework done, chase after the puppy, and painting as much as possible and putting the work in a few different places so that it's seen in various locations around town.  Oh, and eating every 3 hours in an effort to lose weight on Medifast, which I unaffectionately call "space food".  Which for the past couple weeks seems to be remarkably unaffective.  Also my back is killing me.  Lord, I'm just a joy, aren't I?

I'll try to continue here with a little more regularity and put some more pics on here.  The pics are tricky here though, so no promises. 

...And another thing!

You know, people on facebook really piss me off when they are constantly bitching about what Americans are supposed to be doing about the war, the tsunami, the school system, the art community, blah blah blah.  What are they doing?  Going to their jobs at Starbucks and bitching about what all the rest of us are supposed to be doing. 

Be a part of the change you want to see, people.