I may be abandoning blogger.  I haven't been able to post any pictures in months, and if I try to attach it to a new post, which I've done a few times, it eats the post.   I would attribute this to user error, except that not only will it not post pics, I can't get out of that screen and it just scrolls for hours till I have to page back and lose my post.  I'm a tad frustrated.  peace out, blogger.

For Whatever Reason-

I can only post to my blogsite when I'm really busy.  I'm no longer unemployed, for about a month now.   The good news is, so far, so good.  I already get more respect there as a person than I ever did with my other job, and I was the boss (well, the medium boss) there.  And worked with "friends". 


While I've been working on my computer during the day, I've been listening to podcasts, and one of the podcasts I was listening to made me think a little.  Imagine that.  They talked  about when you're writing a book, they sometimes say to start at the end, and then write the story to fit that.  And the question it raised was, if you were dying today, what would you regret most, maybe something you didn't do.  I think for me it was self love, and not doing what I most wanted to do.  Which I'm willing to bet is a very common one, at least for most women.  Hell, I think it's common for a lot of men, too.   They're doing the best they can to support a family, and there's not always room for following dreams when you work 3rd shift at some crappy job. 


So, I plan to spend more time doing what I love, taking care of myself, but not stressing over it.  Because there's a lot more to life than money.  I know, easy for me to say now that I'm older and don't have to worry about it much.  But that's one of the blessings of my life, and when God gives you a gift, you should open it, thank him, and enjoy it.  So that's my plan. 

Well....

I did make a whole new post, and upon trying to add photos, Blogger ate the post.  So instead of wasting a bunch of time, I'll try the pics again, and if it works, I'll rewrite the post.  I do have stuff to do.  But I'm not bitter




And I still can't load pics.  I'll try again later.

Sooo.....

So long story short, I'm currently unemployed.   While it was a bit of an ego sting that they basically threw me away like old bathwater, I'm ok with it.  Because it means I get to spend more time doing what I want to do, and not performing like a dancing monkey to someone else's whim.  I won't miss that.  So hopefully I'll be blogging a little more, because I find it therapeutic, but mostly I'll be painting a lot more, studying graphics, and hopefully enjoying life a tad more.  I've had jobs I hated most of my life because that's where my experience was, and I was mostly pigeon holed.  I figured if I was going to work, I might as well make as much money as I can doing it.  And while that still seems like reasonable logic to me, at my age quality of life just seems a little more important.  Of course I have that luxury because my husband makes a good living at his own business.  I realize that I'm very fortunate.  It wasn't always that way, but there has to be some benefit to aging, right?  I'll attempt to post a few photos of recent paintings, but I still haven't figured out if this is the best blogsite for posting pics, so I'll do the best I can. 

Another year? Really?

Well, I can't believe another year has gone by since I've been here.  You would think that in a whole year, I would've scraped up the time to post at least a few times here.  I guess I'll make an actual pledge to post at least once per month.  If nothing else, I'll post some artwork on here.  I'm still painting. 


This past July, we moved to a hazelnut farm about a mile or so from our old house.  We had a lot of fixing up to do, because this house was built in the 70's and our other one was built in 2000.  Although it's very different, it's at least an interesting house.  And I can have a garden.  I have a little greenhouse now, a huge shop to paint in, and a wet bar upstairs!  My favorite part. I think, is the full laundry room upstairs, because I used to have more of a closet that held a washer and dryer before.  Now I have cabinets in there, and a rod to hang clothes and a counter to fold them.  which I should be doing now.  But it's Thursday night, I'm tired, and so I'm saving that for the weekend.  I'll try to post some pics in here.  If it doesn't work I'm going to lose patience and have to come back to it tomorrow, but I'll give it a shot.

I learned from a "don't" example-

By the way, I clearly suck at the whole "commitment to daily writing" thing.  It just hasn't been doable.  First, because I caught some godawful cold or virus that has me still coughing up a lung 3 weeks later, and secondly, just been busy.  But if we can just let that go for now, I'll explain the title and one of the other things I've been up to since New Years. 

The company I work for has a lot of meetings and conferences, and so I was at a three day conference earlier this week in Phoenix.  At the conference, we had a vendor trade show where each of the 60 vendors paid to have a table or booth set up, and all of us employees (500 or so) were to mingle through the vendor booths, chat with the vendors, learn about their offerings, etc.  Some offered samples, catalogs, some had quizes and you could earn prizes by answering the questions correctly, etc. 

One booth had a product I won't name, but I could have sold a lot of their product had I known about it, for a particular application.  In fact, I could still sell quite a bit of it to a local municipality.  But here's the thing- I don't want to.  Mostly because the reps at the booth were dismissive and kind of rude.  Yes, I can move your product and possibly make quite a bit of money for you, but why would I want to make someone I  don't like more successful?  Especially when there are plenty of vendors here that bend over backwards to show respect, accomodate our needs as a company on price, and product specification?

When I got back from the conference, that's when it hit me, like I had held a mirror up to myself and smacked myself in the face with it.  I am that person. 

A little background info if you don't know me.  I am socially very shy, but I am also a very plain spoken person.  Pull no punches, spare no feelings.  Which is unfortunate, because I don't like everybody, and have never bothered to disguise that little tidbit.  I've always felt that made me very honest and direct.  What it made me, in fact, is mean.  There are grown men who fear me.  I've always found that funny, since I'm about 5'1".  But it's not funny.  It makes me unlikeable, and therefore, less effective in my job which is sales.  It's just something that I've adapted over time, 30 years of working with almost exclusively men.  Trying to stay tough so nothing gets to me.   The problem is I overdid it.  Most men cry easier than I do.

So now, I feel like I've opened a big dirty window and seen the light.  Like Ebeneezer Scrooge after the three ghosts visited him in the night.  Being tougher was something that was useful to me at one time.  Like when I was younger and prettier and men used to hit on me all the time.  One of the good things about aging is that you earn a little more respect and are viewed less as a cute little thing with no brains.  I can take the tough exterior off now like a life jacket and leave it on a chair because I know how to swim now.    I might have to throw it on now and again for a rip tide, but for your normal daily swim, I'm going to be ok without it. 

It's a New Year, and I'm recommitting

I've decided that I need to make writing a daily priority.  After all, the brain needs exercise as much as the body, right?  Nevermind the fact that it is the second, so on the very first day of the year, I've already blown a goal.  Add to this the fact that you, the poor reader will probably be subjected to some very mediocre writing, since I'm going to have to come up with something every single day (or thereabouts- just the committment factor alone of daily is making me twitch).

So about this time every year I start trying to organize everything-I purge my closets, start going through the freezer and the pantry, restart my weightloss and fitness program, you name it.  Maybe it's too much at once, but up until last year I was maintaining my diet and exercise goals, even though I wasn't actually losing much weight.  The best part about that is I didn't gain much weight.  And this past Christmas, I actually chose not to make desserts.  I made a batch of cookie dough, most of which I sent home frozen with my son.  But I didn't make one pie, cake or pastry.  Not even as dessert with Christmas dinner.  I bought some gelato, but no one ate it.  And that's why I didn't make dessert.  Because no one else will eat it!  I like it, but if I make it, then I feel obligated to eat it.  So this year, I skipped it.  No one complained, or even noticed, I don't think. 

Hopefully, I can start this new year loosely scheduling my day (work, cook, exercise, clean up/prep for next day, write, sleep, repeat) and it won't be too horrifying.  If I don't get sucked into the vortex of TV watching, I'm hoping to accomplish all these daily tasks, while getting more sleep per night than I did last year. 

Wish me luck.  I'll let you know in a few days if it's going to work.